Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Grab Your Balls Gentlemen, It's Time For a Breakup

I thought that men might be better at breaking up as they got older, but those hopes were recently dashed.

Men seem to have a way of just "checking out". They move on, stop talking to you and Start blocking  you from social media and even from their phone. They say "Its not you, it's me" or " I'm not ready for a relationship" or "I just need my space".  Then low and behold, they start to date!  So much for needing space and not being ready.

They say they don't want to hurt you, but what they don't understand is that when they start dating again, we always wonder why we weren't good enough.  More times than not, I find myself to be the girl right before the RIGHT girl comes along. Why is that?

It would be so much easier if men just came clean, told us what we did wrong and did it face to face instead of a text, email, Facebook message or heaven forbid, a tweet!  Gentlemen, grow some balls, tell it like it is and don't leave us wondering what we could have done to save it.

I am strong enough in my SELF to handle the fact that you don't like certain things about me or that we just aren't a good match.  I am also smart enough to know when I'm being pacified by a generic break up line. Do not patronize me.  I gave you my all and I deserve better.

Ladies, it's going to hurt, no matter what...but wouldn't it be nice, for once, to know what REALLY went wrong rather than come to our own, often misguided solutions?

I always say, a sharp knife hurts less than a dull one.

Monday, July 27, 2015

The Dating Game

 Hello Love Bugs!

I've been doing a lot of reading about relationships lately and I find one thing very bothersome. It seems like the advice goes like this:

  • Play hard to get. 
  • Don't act like you're too interested. 
  • Keep your distance. 
  • Make him chase you. 
  • Stay independent. 
  • Wait a while before you answer text messages. 
  • Don't be the first to text in the morning. 

Really?? This is what they call sound advice?  I don't see how this makes any sense at all.

I am a 100% believer in honesty and open hearted love.  Why would anyone want to "pretend" they feel nothing or even less than they really do?

A brilliant counselor taught me about " conscious vulnerability". It it the concept and practice of having an open heart, of giving and receiving love and of taking the chance to love and be loved even though you might get hurt.

If you want to play games, your love life will BE a game.  If you want to get real, find love and give love:

  • TELL it like it is.
  • OPEN your heart.
  • BE true to yourself. 
  • CHOOSE to be consciously vulnerable.
  • KNOW yourself and your feelings. 
  • EXPRESS your feelings without fear. 
  • LOVE  and to be loved. 

Remember "Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all".
-Alfred Lord Tennyson.

Be Calm and Love On!!

Sunday, July 26, 2015

I'm Off To College! Bye Bye Boyfriend?

Hello Love Bugs!

It's an exciting time! You're off to college in the fall! You are FINALLY on your own!  You'll be hours away from the same old same old routine. You'll be meeting new people, going to parties, studying for exams ( ok so THAT part doesn't sound so great) know, the whole college "experience".  Feels good to be free right!?  But what about your BOYFRIEND??

He may be going to a different college or maybe he is staying home to finish high school...either way, you'll be miles and hours apart.  How is this going to work? CAN this work?

I'll tell you the truth you may not want to hear: It probably won't work unless:

  • You trust each other COMPLETELY.
  • You BOTH plan to be 100% FAITHFUL.
  • You plan to visit each other OFTEN.
  • You communicate CONSTANTLY.


My advice?

You are starting a whole new life! Enjoy every moment.

  • Be honest with yourself and with your boyfriend/girlfriend about your expectations for your college life and for your relationship. 
  • Have an open dialogue BEFORE you get out of town.  If you wait, you'll end up texting or face-timing a breakup and that doesn't do honor to the relationship at all.  So, get that business done before you leave.  Eye to eye!
  • Keep in touch if you can. Some people can handle that and some can't. You don't want to be rubbing your "new happy without them" life in their face. They would rather think you missed them so bad that you spend four years at college crying over your prom pictures! But if you leave things as friends, you may both really enjoy the relationship and sharing new things.  Just stay away from talking about dates...talking about that is guaranteed to hurt someone!
  • Be true to YOURSELF.  Don't stay in a relationship because you feel guilty. You'll end up cheating at that frat party with the hottie you hardly know and then you're a CHEATER, which is NOT something you want to be.  College life is full of temptation and experiences that are all new to you. Ask yourself: CAN I stay faithful?
  • Lastly, keep it real, keep it honest, keep it both yourself and your guy/girl.  Honesty may hurt someone at this point, but it's either be honest now or be a liar later.

I'm not one to blow sunshine up your skirt. I tell it like it is. Experience is an excellent teacher, and I've had plenty.

Love each other all the way or let it go and maybe destiny will bring you back together. Listen to your heart and mind. Listen to each other.

It's going to be O.K.

Love Knows No Age

People ask me questions about love all the time.  One thing I've noticed through the years is that no matter how old or young the people are who are asking, the questions are all the same.

  • Who would be a good match for me?
  • What should I wear on a first date?
  • When is it OK to have sex?
  • Where is a good place to find quality people?
  • Why doesn't he/she like me?
  • How do I get him/her to commit?

Those are what I call really basic questions. Important, but basic. I look forward to all question of course and I take them seriously, but the tougher ones always take quite a bit more consideration. 

  • Who am I without my partner?
  • What is it about me that scares people away?
  • When will I find true love?
  • Where does someone fit into my life?
  • Why am I alone?
  • How do I let go of (fill in the blank).

I'm going to share these answers and more as we delve into the FAQs of Dating, Relationships and Love at Any Age.

It's going to be a good ride! Let's go!